June 29th, 2006


When Jealousy rears its ugly head

So, I've had extensive emails going back and forth with a writer friend today. (Well, every day but thats beside the point.)

We were discussing how difficult it is not to be jealous of our writer friends who find success. And its not jealous like, "they dont' deserve it" jealous. Becuase they do. Every inch of their success. They earn it.

Its just hard not to feel that twinge when you hear about something exciting. Beucase you also want it for yourself.

Maybe envy is a better word. But I think we all feel it. At every level. I have an agent. Which is something to be envied by non-agented writers. But I dont have a book on the shelves. I don't get fan letters. I don't even have readers. Which is something I envy about published writers.

Its just the nature of the business, though. This isn't a typical job, where you get that great position at a great company and you're set. Your success is always hanging in a balance. You must always improve and grow.

It's more like a football game. Some players are the stars. Maybe they always will be. Some players are sitting on the bench, watching longingly, waiting for the coach (aka agent or editor) to just give them the word. To let them prove that they are capable.

And sitting on the bench is agonizing. Especially when you see another player's beuatiful cover. Or read an article about them. or hear about their two book deal bought at auction. Becuase they're getting all the touchdowns and you haven't even gotten to try for one yet.

But the day will come. I'm going to sit on this damned bench as long as it takes to get in the game. Because I want it that bad. Beucase I refuse to give up.

Because I love the game.